Ham Rock Cafe
by Nonamenonamenonameplease
Summary: The Ham-Hams find themselves acting as bodyguards to protect a band from crazed fans all the while attending the band's concert at the last minute.


Note: This takes place shortly after 'Yahoo! It's Girl's Day'. Sorry for leaving out human characters and if anything seems a tad OOC.

An ordinary week was under way, as usual. Hiroko and Kana would go to school and walk back home together without another thought in the world. The Ham-Hams would return back to their cages after yet another adventure-filled (from their perspectives, in any case) day and greet their unsuspecting owners. Strange things often happened whenever both sides crossed paths, but everyone managed keeping a balance nicely. Although some hamsters like Hamtaro yearned for at least one day of communicating with their owners out loud, and few even braved treacherous journeys all to make such a wish come to pass. But many believe one may get it when he or she least expects it. Who knows, it might also appear in a different form than originally conceived.

New commotion began when the Ham-Hams learned of a market selling corn two blocks away from the clubhouse. Koushi simply drooled in anticipation at stocking his jowls with all the kernels he could find. It wasn't too special of an occasion, yet Torahamu-chan insisted on wearing a yellow forehead ribbon she'd knitted for a week now. Hiroko hadn't given Hamtaro any news that morning to share with the other Ham-Hams. All actually went well to a fault: Nobody's owners needed to buy anything today, and no competition barred their gathering. The sellers didn't mind seeing the hamsters pick up food and were even more than willing to share a bit. White and yellow corn kernels littered the ground but didn't stay forever. "Funny," Koushi commented, "I thought more Hams would show up by now. Krmp krmp."

"Yeah," Kaburu agreed, "Where'd they all go?"

"Ah think ah know why," Maido suggested, "Maybe they got scared o' bein' blown away!"

"Is that another joke?" Noppo questioned, "Or do you even know what you're saying?" Irked expressions overshadowed a distracted Maido. He'd gained an infamous reputation for cracking bad jokes, so the other Hams had good reason to disbelieve his statement and anxiety. But what he pointed to worked its own influence.

"None o' the above! Take a gander!" The wisecracker then immediately ducked underneath a nearby tarp. The others stared perplexedly until a near-midday gust brushed across their little heads. What felt like a simple breeze to humans acted as a windstorm from a rodent's viewpoint. Huge slithering snakes of air licked at their torsos and limbs, wanting to carry them off. Anyone with loose-fitting attire clutched it ever tightly while joining Maido under the tarp.

"Easy, Chibimaru," Mafura said, gently nudging the younger hamster, "We're almost there. Just a bit farther."

"Ookwee."

"Hamgoof!" Torahamu-chan announced, tripping over a corn kernel, "Oh no!"

"Don't worry, I'm on it!" Torahamu-kun offered. Whereas everyone else successfully clutched their own attire, Torahamu-chan couldn't keep the wind from knocking her yellow ribbon off her head and carrying it elsewhere into the city. Being closest by, Torahamu-kun had to retrieve it. How nobody noticed that was the least of anyone's worries. Torahamu-kun thought he'd lose the trail every time he paused in front of an obstacle, but he met success when a metal rod in a trashcan finally snagged it in mid-air. He couldn't think too badly of the wind, however, since it also provided helpful nudges to boost him along. It tickled his tail like a nipping horse and nearly made him collapse from laughter (not that he minded it). Little by little, Torahamu-kun at last located the pole and climbed up the canister. "Grooba…Come to Papa!" Just before it flew off again, the rodent's paw immediately snatched the ribbon away. "Thought you could escape me, eh? Well, tough break." He climbed back down after rolling up Torahamu-chan's attire piece into a cinnamon roll fitting the palm of his paw and noted the sun's position. "Hmm. I'm no expert about time or the weather, but I better get a move on!"

"Get away from us!" four voices called out, "Badda-badda-badda-badda!"

"Wasa-wasa-wasa!" another voice responded.

"We just want autographs!" yet another added. Torahamu-kun dodged aside as a mob of hamsters chased a distressed quartet, holding Torahamu-chan's ribbon tight while remaining still like a rock and squinting his eyes. Even if he weren't so paralyzed by shock, they all moved too quickly for Torahamu-kun to identify anyone. He and the other Hams may as well feel grateful nobody chased them like that recently after the performance they aided Momo with Girl's Day or during the one performance supposedly reserved for Kurumi and Kururin. Then again, it would've felt nice receiving even a smidgen of recognition for their talents. Perhaps a clue following the stampede's conclusion told more.

"Ain't that something. Every ham's in a hurry today…heke?" Torahamu-kun's eyes lay on an interesting poster he stepped on before picking it up. "Ooooooh. Rock out loud."

"Torahamu-kun!" the other Ham-Hams called, arriving on the scene. The wind had died down shortly after their friend left, so they had ample opportunity and a fresh trail to pursue him with.

"Hamha, everyone."

"Everything work out?" Torahamu-chan quickly wondered, "And didja get my ribbon?"

"You bet!" Torahamu-kun unfurled the ribbon for his sister's snatching pleasure, which she instantly tied back on her head. But he kept the poster to himself. "The sad look just isn't you."

"Thanks a bundle, bro!"

"Well done," Noppo complimented. Then he noticed the paper in Torahamu-kun's paw. "So, whatcha hiding?" Everyone crowded around the flirtatious hamster, but he effortlessly slipped away without revealing the poster's contents. Torahamu-kun then put a short distance between himself and a wall of friends.

"C'mon, Torahamu-kun," Taisho urged, "What's so special that you hafta hide it from us?"

"Yeah," Neteru agreed, "You finally get a girlfriend?"

The others might've laughed if Torahamu-chan's stern look and stern words didn't break the mood. Even Torahamu-kun looked at her strangely. "Girlfriend? Where? She'll soooo be hearing a mouthful from me if she tries anything funny."

"Why, Torahamu-chan," Mafura teased, "I didn't think you cared so much about him."

"Ookwee!" Chibimaru chimed, not really understanding the subject.

"Of course I do. I just don't show it a whole lot."

"I hear ya, sis. Unfortunately, the surprise isn't a gal. I still have yet to find the one for me."

"Whenever that happens," Maido mumbled in Neteru's ear, the two giggling afterwards.

"I heard that! I guess nobody wants to be surprised."

"Yes we do!" the others chorused. All taunts left everyone's minds for that moment, and the force of their insistence kept him from departing.

"That's all I needa here. Take a looksie at this number." Torahamu-kun held up the poster for display: four hamsters, no doubt those wildly pursued earlier. Names and band positions printed below their feet, each posed exuberantly while clutching musical instruments. Hamstring – being the vocals, ukulele player, the only one with four whiskers instead of six, even group leader – had mostly sienna fur; strawberry nose; and wore a blue bowtie. Dippy was the bass player covered in gray fur slightly mixing with the white on her belly; peach nose; orange ten-gallon hat; and a blue heart necklace.

Having light-tan fur; a white seashell necklace; the hair on his head combed in spikes; bubblegum nose; and yellow sunglasses, Fuzzball played the drums. And then came the keyboarder Hondu: chocolate fur; raspberry nose; yin-yang necklace; all topped off by sky-blue flowers around her right ear. All four boasted white paws, bellies, and patches on their eyes and mouths. The poster's bottom edge spelled out 'Hamdingers' in red and orange letters. Torahamu-kun held the poster with Noppo so everyone could read it carefully. "Hamdingers?" Hamtaro said, "What kind of a title is that?"

"Beats me," Torahamu-kun shrugged, "But I'm guessing they're the reason why we're the only ones outside today."

"Zen you were right," Ribon said, "Look z'ere!" She pointed to an alleyway covered in many of the same poster. They studied the right side while occasionally glancing to the left. Now Torahamu-kun need not struggle with or even keep his own, so he crumpled it up and tossed it into an empty soup can nearby before joining everyone else. Further information in tinier print underneath the band name told more.

"A musical performance, huh?" Torahamu-chan said, "Torahamu-kun, why'd you wait so long to tell us?"

"Gimme a break," he answered, "I only just heard about it too. At least we won't hafta whirl too far since it's somewhere in town."

"Musical performance," Noppo put in, "As in the kind by players or singers not involving theatrical staging, or a concert? Like what Kururin missed out on?" A few sighed at hearing about their encounter with the snooty world-renowned rodent. They never suspected the attitude she shared with her owner or the incidents of both stumbling around in a dinosaur costume. Although, a recent dream might've given a partial clue despite misinterpretation.

"I guess so. Tickets cost one ruby shard each, and the shindig starts at…uh, 2 o'clock this afternoon."

"Uh oh."

"What's wrong?" Panda asked.

"Better take a closer look at these posters." Noppo ripped one off the wall and chewed a piece off to study it further. Curiosity replaced any and all other thoughts: Enthusiasm for attending this concert had that effect. The brainy hamster then spat the bit out, striking the same soup can like a spittoon.

"Score!" the twins cheered.

"What now?" Koushi queried, "And did it taste good?"

"Just as I suspected: These posters are two weeks old. 2 o'clock is about one and a half hours away, and tickets must be in short supply."

"So where does that leave us?" Neteru said.

"Hmmm," all voices echoed. The gears in their heads spun hard at a near impossible task, but that just made some all the more determined. Concerts were quite popular; no way would anyone in his or her right mind give up tickets with this one not far away. Leave it to the Ham-Ham luminary to provide inspiration.

"I know!" Hamtaro said, "Let's start by looking for ruby shards. We can't get tickets unless we know we have something to trade for them. Besides, I'm sure there are plenty of both just lying around waiting for us to claim them. All we gotta do is search in the least likely of places."

"Of course!" Torahamu-kun remembered, "Ugh, I should've thought of it sooner. I got a bunch of ruby bits in my cage back home. But anyways, we're off to an awesome start!"

"You 'ave rubies?" Ribon said, suspicious, "'ow deed you come up with ze money to buy dem? Deed you znoop into our belongeengs?"

"Chill, mademoiselle," was the reply, "It so happens a jewel cutter visited Noel recently to shape a ruby for his mom. I just acted like my usual self and gathered up bits 'n' pieces, figuring I could use 'em later on. And I figured right, might I add."

"You mean all our usual selves," Torahamu-chan added.

"Whatever. Though, I only have enough for eight tickets. Noel and his parents cleaned up the place before I could gather more."

"I detect relatively low chances of our scheme," Noppo reported, "Coincidences don't just pop out of the ground like sunflowers. We're not dealing with a cat chase here."

"Then it's settled," Kaburu abruptly decided, taking charge, "Another fine challenge for the Ham-Hams! And with a time limit, too!"

"Ookwee!" Feeling his influence, Chibimaru stood next to Kaburu and agreed wholeheartedly. The older Ham-Hams could only stare on strangely; neither of the two youngest made premature decisions all that much before, so this must've been quite a special day. Whether or not it was out of their character, Ribon's next statement instigated a final decision.

"Aw, eesn't zat zweet, ze way Kaburu idolizes Taisho."

"Oh, please," Kaburu continued, blushing, "Cut it out." Thoughtful looks distracted all minds from other things momentarily. But Ribon spoke the truth, and the hat-wearing hamster's admiration for the Ham-Ham leader ran deeper than realized: He once tried also turning into a field hamster just like him and Neteru. However, taking it the wrong way, glowing stars in Taisho's eyes preceded his next command.

"That's that. Torahamu-kun, those pieces you got aren't too big, are they?"

"Well, maybe. Four are the size of poppy seeds, and five sunflower seeds. They'll take up both my arms, but I think I can carry them."

"Can't take any chances. We'll pick up your pieces before we go searching for more. So, um, to Torahamu-kun's house! Daba-daba-daba-daba…"

"Badda-badda-badda-badda…" the others joined in.

"Kaburu-Kaburu-Kaburu…"

"Ookwee ookwee ookwee…"

The Ham-Hams started off by returning to the clubhouse so they could plot a quicker course of action. As it turns out, Neteru announced he wouldn't be joining them and said they should just go on without him. It technically did save them effort, but nobody wanted to hurt the sleepyhead's feelings. Torahamu-kun's house naturally came as the first due to his head-start in jewel hunting. Practically everyone doubted him for a moment since he wasn't one of the more responsible Ham-Hams. But Hamtaro's insistence won over because he got along best with all and so boasted trustworthy judgement. A shiny red pile underneath the wood chips lining Torahamu-kun's cage rewarded this assumption, preceding the discovery of a ticket booth across from a newsstand on city outskirts. He insisted that they spend what they had ahead of time before anything else made them lose hold of the bits. "Nine tickets, please."

"That'll be nine shards….thanks."

"And thank you." The others found it surprising Torahamu-kun handled the exchange like a mature hamster, but it became clear in his next actions. He passed one ticket each to Torahamu-chan, Mafura, Ribon, Chibimaru, Hamtaro, Noppo, Taisho, and Kaburu while keeping the final. "Read 'em and weep."

"Ookwee ookwee!" Chibimaru beamed.

"Beg pardon?"

"She's thanking you," Mafura translated.

"Oh. In that case, you're very welcome."

"Swell deal," Maido stated, "But unless y'all didn't notice, some of us're still without tickets. Ain't no concert complete without our entire group. Er…okay, Neteru didn't wanna come, so don't count 'im."

"Yeah," Panda agreed, "How're the rest of us gonna get tickets?"

"I know!" Ribon realized, "Zis shop back een town. Every time Maria takes me to ze vet, we pass zis jewel cuttair's ztore. I 'ave zeen and memorized ze location time aftair time. You undairstand what I am getting at, no?"

"Sure do!" Taisho said, "Maybe the jeweler's got some ruby shards lying around which we can cash in for more tickets."

"Oui oui! Eet's wort a shot."

"Stay away from me!" someone called out, "I don't have any more tickets!"

"Uh oh," Koushi said, "Guess it'll hafta wait." So the Ham-Hams marched towards the source of the distressed voice down a darker alleyway than the last. Though, one rodent-sized door each decorated the two walls here. But they'd have to tread lightly, for trash and overhanging laundry created plenty of hiding spaces for possible predators to leap out from. Utter silence made the Ham-Hams' would-be mission no easier despite the dead end. Although the hamster in question lucratively hid inside a dumpster, delicate sounds emanating from behind the left door distracted the group.

"Think they're inside there?" Hamtaro wondered.

"Only one way to find out," Noppo decided. But they never expected the door to lock as it casually closed after each one stepped inside. The hamster in question peeked out of the dumpster, deemed it safe, and so ran far away without a care. As long as nobody stalked her for concert tickets, that's all that really mattered.

However, that didn't help the Ham-Hams get back outside any quicker. The room was pitch-black: Nobody installed any windows, and the itty-bitty light around the door's edges hardly spread around. "Locked tight," Taisho stated, "We better ram it open." Real confusion came forth when they stepped back and mingled about the room with four strangers. Each hamster nearly tripped on, well, each other. "What's going on around here?"

"Hey, take it easy!" Kaburu said, "Who's there?"

"Uh, nobody ya know, mate," a new, masculine voice answered.

"Watch it!" Panda demanded.

"You watch it," came another masculine voice, "We were here first."

"Uh, who's wearin' a necklace?" Maido asked, feeling something on the back of someone's neck. Their voice struck him more deadly than having his paw hit back.

"Ah am," a feminine voice with the same accent responded, "Y'all keep yer mitts to yerself, understand?"

"Hannah, is that you?"

"No, it's me."

"Who's me?"

"Me.

"Alright, forget that ah asked."

"Chibimaru, where are you?" Mafura called out.

"Ookwee!" came a reply that sounded like it came from far on the opposite side of wherever they stood in the room.

"Who's standing next to me?" Neteru asked.

"I could ask the same thing," a fourth voice, also feminine, exchanged.

"Wait a minute!" Taisho yelled, "We're out of rhythm! Every ham just quit moving and stay right where you are!" They all instantly complied and awaited the next action. But he first made sure only nervous breathing filled the air. "Okay, don't move. It's time we shed some light in here."

"Hey, ah'm supposed ta be the funny one!" Maido complained, "Taisho, where d'ya get off stealin' mah act?"

"Maido, he said don't move," Neteru called back.

Taisho made his way through the crowd and felt the walls for a light switch. While the other Ham-Hams recognized him in the darkness via his size, the four mysterious figures of course couldn't tell anyone apart. But everyone grew increasingly nervous as he searched out a light switch. "Remain in position…wait for it…wait for it…here we go! Lights on!"

"Ouchichi!" the seventeen cried. Yes, even Taisho's eyes hurt from the sudden illumination. When they readjusted, simply seeing each other caused a panicked scramble to opposite sides. Such reckless rushing littered the floor with a pile of hamsters too excited to stand back up straight or pull themselves apart. But the Ham-Hams eventually found themselves grouped back together after a countless number of attempts and staring face to face with the Hamdingers, as well as vice versa.

"Grooba!" Hondu declared, "I thought we had enough exercise just running away from fans."

"Hey, I know you!" Fuzzball realized, "You're those talented happies from the wood shop. Um, whadda we call ya?"

"Ham-Hams," Torahamu-kun replied, "My name's Torahamu-kun. This is my twin sister Torahamu-chan and our friends Taisho, Ribon, Neteru, Kaburu, Hamtaro, Chibimaru, Noppo, Koushi, Panda, Mafura, and Maido."

"Swell," Hamstring said, "And you probably already know who we are."

"Yeah, but what're you doing in a totally lame place like this?" Torahamu-chan asked.

"Keepin' our fans off our trail," Dippy answered, "If ah had a pinecone fer ev'ry time they chased us outta town, I'd be livin' it even larger. We came ta this room 'cause it's th'last place anybody'd think ta look. But with you 'round, we failed."

"Our apologies," Ribon said, "'ow deed you find out about us?"

"Happened by in the neighborhood several days ago," Fuzzball continued, "In another of our wild fan crazes, we escaped into a tree and took a squizz at you playin' your hearts out with some little human girl."

"Her name's Momo," Panda said.

"Of course. You'd make one mean band."

"Ookwee?" Chibimaru wondered.

"He's complimenting us, Chibimaru," Noppo explained, "It's hard to understand, but they liked our music."

"That reminds me," Neteru said, "Four of us are still without tickets. You know where we can find any?"

"Even better: We'll give 'em," Hamstring said. The Hamdingers searched the fur between their ears. Dippy and Fuzzball each withdrew two tickets, and their group mates one each. With no empty hands around, they tore up the remaining tickets. "Always think ahead."

"Thanks!" Koushi said, "On to the concert!"

"Hold up," Hondu requested, "Since we gave you tickets, could you do us a favor and be our bodyguards on the way?"

"Uh, I guess," Torahamu-kun said, "Everyone okay with that?"

"Sure!" the other Ham-Hams chorused.

"Yeah, but we gotta get this door open first," Taisho reminded. He tugged the handle again, but the stubborn door just wouldn't budge. "Hamgoof. Still locked." Chewing on it pained his teeth. "Ouchichi. Okay, every ham move back and line up together." Taisho, Koushi, Mafura, and Maido stood in a straight line with the others clumped together behind. As the plan went, everyone else would immediately follow suit after the first four impacted. The Hamdingers couldn't help smiling at Kaburu and Chibimaru's determined expressions. "When I say go, we show that door who's in charge." All heads nodded. "Ready…" Each hamster felt the pressure rising. "…go!" After the first quartet failed, their rushing friends didn't give them a chance to move aside before smacking them up against the metal threshold. All but Chibimaru, Kaburu, Maido, Hamstring, and Hondu couldn't stop themselves from running straight into the opposite alley wall and collapsing into another dazed pile. The remaining five lent a helping hand.

"What's the idea layin' around on th'job?" Maido joked. The two youngest Ham-Hams actually found it humorous while no one else did.

"Oh, be quiet and help us up," Neteru retorted. At least it didn't take as long as it did back in the room.

"Say, what time is it?" Dippy wondered.

"Hmmm…" Noppo observed the sun's position. "Uh oh! Only one hour left!"

"Clump up," Taisho commanded, "Hamdingers, you guide us." The Ham-Hams grouped together in an oval with the musical group standing in the middle, as if on a class field trip. A new interruption nearly made them scatter when they stepped out into the open.

"Not more fans!" Fuzzball cried. Four particular Ham-Hams stood against the wall hiding the Hamdingers almost completely as a cat appeared on the scene. Fortunately, it took no notice of them and instead contended with salmon remains. All breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness," Mafura declared, "Hey, something's stuck on my back."

"Mine too," Maido, Taisho, and Koushi put in.

"It's us," Hamstring announced, "Don't turn around or we'll be spotted."

"Tubular!" Torahamu-chan declared, "How'dja do that?"

"Old secret," Hondu said, "But enough about that. Time is of the essence."

"Gotcha," Taisho said. For the rest of the time, everything went smoothly once more. While the Hamdingers made their anxiety painfully obvious, the Ham-Hams disguised it with bored looks. Crazed hamsters passed by like nothing, none of which took into consideration a seemingly bored field trip group. Hamtaro and Dippy's shared ideas of unlikely locations made every stranger's situation all the more ironic and laughable. But fear of getting mauled by a stampede kept anyone from uttering so much as a giggle. On the plus side, at least their hard work paid off with a grand sight of the concert hall.

"I think we're there," Hamtaro announced.

"Yep!" Hamstring said, peeking out from underneath Taisho's arm, "That's the place. C'mon."

"OOKWEE!" Chibimaru screeched.

"What is it, Chibimaru?" Mafura asked.

"A dog!" Panda joined in. Except for Brandon, strange dogs posed just as big a threat as strange cats. Whether or not it wanted them, all seventeen hamsters froze in fear and confusion. What could they do? Duck down and hope the dog paid no heed? Run straight to the hall and risk a doomed chase? Or just hold still like a bunch of rocks? Come the last second, their brains must've gone into neutral as they separated into two parts. But imitating the cat before, the dog ran past following a special whistle around the next corner. The hamsters breathed a second sigh of relief.

"Zat was a close one," Ribon puffed, "…Wait a zecond! What are we doeeng zeparated!"

"Quick, let's get back together!" Torahamu-kun cried. But it was too late.

"The Hamdingers!" more voices announced, "Wasa-wasa-wasa-wasa-wasa…!" Streets and sidewalks flooded with desperate fanatics all wanting a fair share of the famous quartet. Paralyzed yet again, the seventeen's eyes darted all about for three seconds until they realized their escaping chance.

"Kushi-kushi!" Torahamu-chan said, smacking herself, "The hall!" Breaking out of their trance, they immediately made a break for a second pair of metal doors. Nervousness must've also overtaken the guards, because less than a minute remained until everyone got shut out.

"Don't worry about us!" Koushi called, "That's my job! Get inside before the doors shut you out too!" Ingesting this command, the Hamdingers leapt one at a time for a shrinking doorway. Having judged it perfectly, they slid across the interior floor as the opening shut behind. Not only did the Ham-Hams collide into it, but around 50 more rodents experienced the same and buried them utterly. A much larger hamster pile wasn't cleared up until a minute later.

"Okay, hams, let's get it together!" a guard announced. Fortunately, no one suffered fractures or even any bruises. But the Ham-Hams had taken the full brunt. Wrinkled and dazed, they looked as if they'd slept in a cupboard.

"We've sure been runnin' into a lotta walls," Maido commented.

"Tell me about it," Noppo agreed.

"You all know the rules," another guard stated, motioning to the Ham-Hams, "These young hams were at the bottom, meaning they arrived here first."

"Awww," the other fans grumbled.

"Line up." At a third guard's command, the Ham-Hams calmly positioned themselves in the same straight-line formation. "Now everybody follow suit." The other hamsters did just that. "Forward, march!" A ticket hamster accepted every contribution, and the Ham-Hams landed front-row seats. It turns out anyone already knowing about the Hamdingers were too distracted in chasing them around that not a single occupant filled the audience until now.

"Hams young and old!" an announcer spoke, "Give it up for the Hamdingers!" Screams naturally rang high as the stars stepped out from behind stage curtains. They rather preferred seeing their latest fans and part-time bodyguards up close and personal.

Hamstring grabbed the microphone while loosening his bowtie. "Hello, all! There's been a change in schedule plans: Even though we've still at least 45 minutes left, we're starting the concert early." More screams filled the air, and the action began. It started out with a song about a sick child in bed stricken with depression and getting cured by putting a song in her heart. The other three played their instruments while singing backup for certain parts. Torahamu-kun and Torahamu-chan noticed first some audience members imitating all four's dance moves.

"Betcha **I** could do that," he said.

"No you couldn't," she retorted, "Yer not even moving."

"Is that a challenge?"

"You bet." Torahamu-kun immediately stood up from his seat and actually made Torahamu-chan jealous.

"Oh yeah?" She returned the boast and escalated it into a friendly competition. Whatever the case, it wasn't long before the entire audience joined in.

The End


End file.
